Dear Friends, what hurts me most about this quarantined time (aside from the obviously objective aspects such as illness, loss, unemployment for so many, and the graph in my stock portfolio) is the degree to which I find myself relying on Internet and social media presence as a measure of self-worth.

I really believe ‘likes,’ ‘followers,’ and ‘views’ are a race with no finish line. A game no one wins. Maybe it even resembles high school all over again with verified accounts as the varsity letter proving you’re in the clique.

I really believe ‘likes,’ ‘followers,’ and ‘views’ are a race with no finish line.

Find me a better analogy to substance addiction — given the very fleeting dopamine hit ‘likes’ provide and the fact they’re never satiating, ever. More more more.

Anytime popularity becomes the driving factor, the source of truth, I can tell you one thing — I’m usually walking away disheartened. ‘Earned and deserved’ be damned.

Anytime popularity becomes the driving factor, the source of truth, I can tell you one thing — I’m usually walking away disheartened.

I’ve made it a rule to try and focus on the people physically in front of me. I never thought there’d be a negative from living this way. With almost all of my community being someone or something I experience in person, I’m cut off from it all right now.

Further, I cannot deny the desire as a creative person to share what I’ve been working on. Yet when it comes to the barging-in, beeping, vibrating nature of this textual and Internet based medium I really do feel I bothering or coming off as promoting myself.

This isn’t a perception I have in person, perhaps because my community isn’t instantly giving candid feedback to my face remarking “I like this” nor would they “scroll past me” and ignore what I was saying.

Sharing any form of creative work is what motivates me to practice and reach for perfection. It’s the same when I write code destined to be open source, exposure to other eyes pushes me to be better. We aren’t stimulated to improve inside a vacuum.

We aren’t stimulated to improve inside a vacuum.

So, I wish I could feel more at peace perceiving what I send out on the Internet. And that likes, views, and followers didn’t become one of only few barometers I have right now of what I’m doing. I’ll try my best to brave perceived insignificance and continue sharing, finding the bright spots in it.

I wrote about it in the prologue, I personally believe peace needs to be found inside; not from anything you possess on the outside.

Down below are five little demos of songs I’ve been writing. The next step is giving the lyrics a voice. Most of my creative tends to be like refined sugar, I’ll scrap 90% and publish only the most polished.

Having an outlet to share, albeit virtual, pushes me to create in the first place and learn how to improve.

~ Murph